


Heaven's Gift

by lotr58



Category: The Big Valley
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2020-05-15 02:58:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19286728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lotr58/pseuds/lotr58
Summary: Heath shares a Christmas memory with his new family





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm going through some old stories and decided to start posting some here. Hope you like it!
> 
> Note: This was inspired by the Christmas song, "Christmas Shoes"

The fire crackled softly in the fireplace, its flames casting a soft glow upon the study. Surveying the room quietly, Victoria Barkley smiled happily. Her family was together, Jarrod having returned from San Francisco the day before, just in time for Christmas. And what a Christmas it had been! Perfect!

A sumptuous Christmas dinner had been enjoyed by all, presents opened and enjoyed. And now the entire family was gathered in the study, content to sit quietly and reflect on the day’s events, happy to just enjoy each other’s company.

Sweeping her gaze around the room, Victoria’s smile broadened at the beauty of the Christmas tree, its ornaments shining brightly, complemented by the soft flickering of the many candles adorning its branches. Reclining comfortably in his chair next to the tree, Nicholas took a sip of his brandy, seeming to savor its warmth. Jarrod stood by the fireplace, one hand resting lightly on the mantle, his rapt gaze focused on the golden flames within. 

Feeling the divan bounce slightly, Victoria glanced at her only daughter, sitting beside her quietly. Audra’s blonde hair shone brightly in the soft glow of the fire. And then the Barkley matriarch moved her gaze to the chair opposite the divan. Heath.

Her youngest son sat quietly, his intense gaze focused on the tree before him. Seemingly mesmerized, he sat as if frozen, the brightness of the candles reflected in his brilliant blue eyes. 

Victoria’s smile widened even further. This was Heaths first Christmas with his new family and Victoria had wanted to make sure it was a memorable one. Judging by the contented expression on his handsome face, she assumed it had been pleasant for him. This made her happy.

Feeling a surge of warmth as she gazed at the young man, Victoria marveled at the place he had assumed in her heart in just a few months. Looking at him now, she knew that he was just as much her son as was Nick, or Jarrod. She thanked God, not for the first time, that he had made his way to their door.

Her reverie was interrupted by Audra’s soft, melodious voice, questioning the youngest Barkley brother.

“Heath, have you had a nice Christmas?”

Without moving his gaze from the twinkling tree, Heath smiled softly and nodded.

“Yes, Audra. I have. One of the best.”

Hearing those words, Victoria felt a thrill of happiness. At the same time, she realized that she knew nothing about his past Christmases. Had there been others that were good and happy? How had he celebrated? From what little she knew of his past, she understood that there had been many lean, hard years for him and his mother. Heath was often reluctant to talk about his life in Strawberry and Victoria was loath to force him. But now, she wanted to know. What had his previous Christmases been like? Was there one, maybe, that had stood out as memorable?

“Heath,” she ventured. “What were your Christmases like before? When you were young?”

Tearing his gaze away from the tree, Heath looked at her but remained silent, as if contemplating his answer. But at the urging of his other siblings, he nodded once.  
With a faraway look in his eyes, Heath seemed to transport himself back fifteen years. 

“Well, there was one Christmas that I will never forget. I wanted to get my mama a special gift, but she ended up giving me the best present ever.”

Having said this, Heath resumed his silence, once again contemplating the Christmas tree before him.

The silence was broken by Nick’s bellow.

“Well don’t just sit there. Tell us about it!”

At his brother’s outburst, Jarrod chuckled quietly.

“That’s it, Nick. Don’t hold anything back.” 

The lawyer grinned innocently as his very vocal brother scowled in his direction.

Laughing softly at the affection between her older sons, Victoria looked at Heath and asked quietly,

“Heath, would you tell us about it?”

Gazing at her in silence, the blonde nodded again, then he began to speak.

“I remember that Christmas. I was eight and my mama was really sick. We didn’t think she was gonna make it past Christmas Day. I was so scared. Rachel and Hannah, they was takin care of her, nursing her, but she wasn’t getting any better.”

With a look of sympathy on her face for the anguish she knew her youngest son had suffered, Victoria reached out and patted his arm, leaving her hand there as if to lend support. Tearing her gaze away from her newest son, she saw that her other children were listening with rapt attention to their brother’s tale, waiting for him to continue. Feeling the arm beneath her hand tremble slightly, she squeezed it gently, encouraging him to continue.

“I’d been working at the livery stable to earn money and I always gave it right to mama, but about a month before Christmas, I’d been in Mr. Ellis’s dry goods store and seen something I knew I wanted mama to have. It was the most beautiful pair of combs I’d ever seen. They was tortoiseshell, with flecks of gold in them. They was so pretty, and I knew they’d look beautiful on my mama. Her hair was so pretty, long and blonde. It was like those combs were made for her. She didn’t have many pretty things and I wanted her to have them so badly. I couldn’t stop thinking about them and every day I went by there just to look at them. I wanted to get them, but didn’t know where I could find the money. Everything I earned was needed to help us out. There just wasn’t none extra.”

Heath paused in his recollection, a poignant smile on his face as he remembered. The smile quickly turned bittersweet as he remembered what happened next. He sat quietly, though, seemingly lost in his memories, his thoughts turned inward. 

“What happened, Heath. Did she get the combs?” 

Audra spoke softly, as if hesitant to interrupt her brother’s thoughts.

Looking over at his sister, but sitting quietly for a moment, Heath smiled faintly, shaking his head slightly.

“She got sick, sis. It started with a cough, that wouldn’t go away. It just got worse and worse, every day. At first, she said it wasn’t nothing, just a little cold, and she kept working like normal. But that was part of the problem.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heath shares a Christmas memory with his new family

Listening intently, the others could hear the bitterness in Heath’s voice as he paused momentarily. Then he continued.

“That was part of the problem. She kept working. And she worked too hard. Sometimes it seemed like that was all she did. And even though she was getting sick, Aunt Martha made her work even harder than usual. Christmas was comin’ and she decided she wanted the entire hotel scrubbed from top to bottom. Mama was working so hard and every day she coughed a little more, a little longer. There were some days when she was so tired she could hardly move, but she just kept goin’. But we knew, Hannah and Aunt Rachel and we knew she wasn’t doing well.”

At the thought of young Leah working so hard at a time when she should have taken to her bed, Victoria felt tears threaten, but she struggled to hold them back. 

“In fact, Aunt Rachel and Hannah, they kept trying to get her to rest. To just stay home in bed, at least for one day. But she wouldn’t have none of it. Said she had to keep goin’, that Aunt Martha would fire her if she didn’t go in and do her work. The sad thing is, she was probably right. So, she just kept working and working and she kept getting sicker and sicker.”

“Oh Heath. Your poor mother!” Audra couldn’t restrain herself. Unlike her mother, she couldn’t contain her tears. 

Heath paused, watching his sister’s tears fall. Tears for his mother, for Leah. The knowledge warmed him and he reached over to pull Audra into a hug, attempting to give comfort. 

“It’s all right, sis. It’s all right. You don’t need to cry.”

“But Heath, it’s so sad. To think that your mother was so sick, but she couldn’t even take the time to rest and get well. It’s just not right!” Audra stopped, her tears threatening to overwhelm her.

“Little sister,” Jarrod interjected. “You will find, as you get older, that much in life is not right. Nor is it always fair.”

Reaching into his inner pocket, Jarrod withdrew a freshly laundered handkerchief, which he then handed to his still sobbing sister, gesturing for her to take it and dry her eyes.

Accepting the handkerchief, Audra wiped her streaming eyes, sniffling quietly.

Seeing that her daughter was all right, Victoria returned her attention to her youngest son, who had paused in his narrative and was now sitting quietly, watching his sister dab at her eyes with Jarrod’s handkerchief.

“Heath. What happened?”

Glancing at Victoria, and seeing that Audra was fine, Heath continued.

“Well, she just kept getting worse until one day she couldn’t get out of bed. I was so scared. I tried to get her up, but she just laid there and coughed and coughed. And her skin was so hot. She was burnin’ up. I ran to get Hannah and Aunt Rachel. I hoped they’d know what to do.”

“Did they?” This from Audra, whose blue eyes still glistened with tears.

Heath’s expression turned even more serious as he remembered that time. He shook his head slightly.

“They was worried. They said they could try to get her fever down and give her something for her cough, but that she was really sick. They kept saying that she’d just pushed herself too hard. I could see how upset they was. It was a week til Christmas when this happened.”

Nick, having listened quietly up to this point, finally spoke.

“Well how about the doctor? What did he say?”

Casting a sidelong glance at his older brother, Heath snorted ruefully. 

“Even if we could’ve afforded the doctor, he probably wouldn’t have come. Not for the likes of my mama. He’d made it pretty clear what he thought of us.”

Appalled by what his brother was saying--and not saying--Nick just shook his head in disbelief, dumbfounded at the thought that people could be so blind and foolish. But then he caught his breath as he realized that he had been one of those people not so very long ago. Staring at his younger brother as if seeing him for the first time, the dark-haired rancher felt shame for the way he’d acted and the things he’d said when Heath had first arrived on their doorstep.

He was shaken out of his reverie by a hand on his arm. Moving his gaze from his brother downward, he saw his mother’s smooth hand. Looking up, he found himself looking directly into Victoria’s compassionate blue eyes. Without saying a word, he knew that she understood the direction his thoughts had taken. And, judging from her warm smile and the squeeze of her hand, she was telling him that it was all right. He had done nothing wrong. Oddly, it made him feel better. The dark cowboy gave his mother a small smile of thanks before turning his attention to his younger brother, who was still speaking.

“After a day of this, I knew that I had to get those combs for mama. I wanted her to have them for Christmas,” he trailed off, seemingly embarrassed all of a sudden. But then he continued. “I got this idea in my head, this sudden fear that she was going to die. I was terrified. And I decided that if she was going to die, I wanted her to look beautiful when she got to heaven and met Jesus. I wanted her to look her best. I wanted her to have those combs.”

Next to her, Victoria could hear her daughter sniffling once again. Her own eyes were welling with tears, making it difficult to observe the rest of her family. Across the room, she heard Nick clear his throat, a sure sign he was moved by his brother’s statement. Rubbing the back of her hand across her eyes, she glanced at Jarrod, who stood quietly, his gaze compassionate as it focused on his youngest brother.

“I went to Mr. Ellis and asked him if there was any work I could do for him to earn the combs. Now normally, he didn’t really take to mama and me, but for some reason he said yes. Maybe because it was Christmas. Maybe he had some of that Christmas spirit I'd heard about. Anyway, he told me I could come work there when I was finished at the livery, so I started that very night. I scrubbed the floors, dusted the shelves, washed the windows. I did anything that needed doin’. I was so excited at the chance to get those combs for my mama.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heath shares a Christmas memory with his new family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! Enjoy:)

"Boy Howdy, did I work!"

Heath smiled softly in remembrance.

"There were days I was so tired when I left the livery I could hardly move, could barely put one foot in front of the other. Home and bed was mighty tempting."

As she listened, Victoria' heart filled to overflowing at the thought of the young boy who loved his mother so much. They were all so lucky that he had come to them and was with them now, she thought to herself. Looking around the room, seeing the expressions on her other children's faces, hearing the rumble in Nick's throat as he cleared it again--a sure sign he was fighting back his emotions--she knew they felt the same. Her brief reverie was cut short by Heath's voice.

"Are you all right, mother?"

'Mother.' How she loved the sound of that word coming from his lips. It warmed her heart every time she heard it.

Smiling at him, she nodded her assurance.

"Yes, dear. I'm fine. I'm just enjoying your story. And thinking about what a lucky woman your mother was."

This time it was Heath's turn to clear his throat and she noted with amusement the faint blush on his cheeks as he ducked his head in embarrassment.

"No ma'am. I was the lucky one."

Looking at the floor for a moment, as if gathering his thoughts, Heath continued his tale of that Christmas long ago.

"Anyways, I kept working' had, and every night when I finished at the store I'd figure out how much more I needed before I could buy those combs. I was startin' to think I wasn't gonna make it. Christmas was comin' fast. And…"

Here he paused, reflecting on that week long past, remembering the painful situation that had prompted his actions.

"…mama wasn't getting' any better. I was mighty worried. So was Hannah and Aunt Rachel. But that made me even more determined."

Here he paused for breath, and perhaps to gather his courage as he brought to the surface a painful memory long buried.

Victoria could see the blonde's eyes glistening with unshed tears. Reaching over, she grasped his hand and squeezed it gently, offering encouragement and love. He gave her a grateful smile and blinked rapidly to clear his eyes.

"I was startin' to get worried cuz it was almost Christmas and I didn't know if I was gonna have enough money. So I worked even harder. Mr. Ellis even told me what a good job I was doin'. I wasn't used to hearin' that. It sure made me feel good!"

Another clearing throat, this time from Jarrod. Victoria, not wanting to divert her attention away from Heath, reached over to grasp and squeeze her eldest son's nearest hand. The attorney's piercing blue eyes remained focused on his brother, but he returned the squeeze.

Not seeming to notice the interplay between the two, Heath continued with his story.

"This went on that whole week leadin' up to Christmas Day, and mama was sick in bed all that time. Every night when I finished working', I'd go and look at those combs and I'd think, 'I'm almost there.'"

Pausing momentarily, Heath smiled at the memory, but the smile was quickly replaced by another expression, one of pain and heartache, as he remembered what happened next.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heath shares a Christmas memory with his new family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to those who continue to read this:)

Sitting silently, as if afraid of interfering with the young man's seemingly painful reminiscences, the others observed the quiet battle their newest family member seemed to be going through as memories best forgotten came flooding back. Heath's raw emotions were visible for all to see as he remembered those difficult days. But his reverie was short-lived, as he seemed to realize suddenly that he was not alone. Forcing a small smile onto his face, he began to speak haltingly.

"Well, two days before Christmas I was just finishing up, wiping down the last shelf, when Aunt Rachel came runnin' in to get me. It was closing time, about 9:00. Mama'd taken a turn for the worse, she said, and they didn't know if she was gonna make it."

The blonde paused again, reflecting on that horrible night. For a second time, his emotions were visible to all as a momentary sorrow crossed his features--a momentary lapse--before he regained control once again. Clearing his throat, he continued with his story, oblivious to the rest of the family, surrounding him with silent encouragement.

"Anyways, I ran home as fast as my legs would carry me. I was so scared!"

Even now, years later, the blonde's face reflected the pain, anguish, and fear he had felt on that terrifying night. Victoria's heart ached for him, for the young boy who loved his mother so much and was willing to sacrifice everything for her.

Heath was continuing.

"When we got home, the doctor was there. Aunt Rachel had gotten him to come somehow; I never did know how."

Nick glanced at Jarrod and it was obvious that his elder brother had also 'heard' the unspoken words, the words their younger brother had left unsaid and once again the rancher felt fury burning inside--rage at the narrow-minded bigotry of people and white-hot anger at those who had hurt his brother in the past--including himself. Inhaling deeply in an attempt to subdue his wrath, the middle Barkley brother returned his focus to Heath, who had continued to speak.

"…wasn't good. Mama was in a bad way. She was so hot--hotter than ever before--and she didn't recognize me, even when I called her name and held her hand. It scared me so much!"


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heath shares a Christmas memory with his new family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for reading. Enjoy:)

The room was silent as Heath paused once again, reflecting on that painful time. His anguish and fear of that night so long ago was visible even now, as the distressing memories came flooding back, as real now as they had been all those years before. To those watching, he was once again that young boy, his emotions raw and anguished--visible for all to see--if only for a moment. His family watched as he struggled to contain them. Then, that moment was gone and he was once again their Heath.

Taking a shuddering breath, one cotton-clad arm swiping at his suddenly damp eyes, Heath looked around the room. His family sat silent and still, their faces etched with sorrow, and he realized with a start that they were hurting, in pain--and it as for him. This sudden realization warmed him to the core and he felt his heart swell with love for his new family.

Suddenly, the pain from that long past time receded somewhat and he was comforted by this fact--and by the reason for it. Unexpectedly energized, he felt he had the strength to continue with his story.

"That was such a long night. Mama was really sick. She was so hot with fever he was nearly out of her mind. The doctor told us there wasn't much we could do but try to cool her off. He gave her somethin', some sort of medicine that he said might help bring her fever down. Other than that, though, he said we'd just have to wait and see. So we did."  
He paused momentarily, swiping at his eyes once more, a sheepish look on his face as he surveyed the rest of his family.

"We worked all night, bathing her in cool water, talking to her. I don't know how many trips to the pump I made. I lost count somewhere after the tenth time. Seemed like every time I turned either Hannah or Aunt Rachel was sendin' me out with a bucket."

Pausing again, a slight smile crept over his handsome face has he remembered.

"As we got close to morning, mama didn't seem to be gettin' any better. She was still so hot and she just tossed and turned mumbling words I couldn't make out. Sometimes I'd hear my name, but most of it was just nonsense. Well, Aunt Rachel took me outside and told me I needed to prepare myself, that mama might not make it. She told me to pray but she also told me to say my goodbyes. That scared me more than anything. But I did it. I went in and sat next to her bed. Somethin' had happened cuz she'd gotten real still all of a sudden. I remember taking her hand and all I could think about was how hot it was. I don't know how long I sat there. I just held her hand and told her how much I loved her. I begged her to get better. At some point I fell asleep cuz all of a sudden Aunt Rachel was shaking me, trying to wake me up. It took me a while and my mind was muddled, but I finally came around."

Another pause, another deep breath.

"I remember bein' so scared when I realized I'd fallen asleep. I was scared something had happened to mama while I was asleep, but when I looked I saw that she was asleep and she looked kind of peaceful. She'd made it through the night. I didn't want to leave her, but Aunt Rachel made me go out into the other room where Hannah had breakfast waiting."

Heath paused again and this time a huge smile covered his face as he remembered what came next.

"When I first walked into the room I could smell something wonderful. I remember my stomach jumpin' at the thought of eating whatever smelled so good. When I sat down at table I realized it was Christmas Eve. And what a feast Hannah had prepared--eggs and toast and even a piece of bacon. I couldn't remember the last time I'd had bacon." 

Chuckling, he recalled "I made it last the whole meal--took real little bites and relished every one."

Stopping for a much needed breath, Heath didn't see the hastily wiped tears of his family, nor had he seen their reaction at the mention of his breakfast 'feast,' a meal which was considered a common, everyday occurrence by Barkley standards. In fact, Heath's 'feast' was just an appetizer to the Barkleys, who were used to meals of plenty. This knowledge made Heath's statement all the more touching--and hurtful. The fact that Heath, this young man they'd all come to care about so deeply--to love--had lived a life filled with such hardship and sorrow, hurt them deeply. The fact that he still seemed to accept that meager breakfast of so long ago as a sumptuous banquet made the situation all the more poignant.

As if to illustrate their thoughts, Heath spoke again.

"Yessir. If mama hadn't been so sick that surely would have been the best Christmas Eve ever!"


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heath shares a Christmas memory with his new family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back. I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday!! And welcome to 2020!
> 
> Here's the next chapter. Enjoy:)

Not wanting to spoil the moment with unnecessary words, Victoria just reached over and gave the young man's nearest arm a gentle squeeze, a sad smile on her face and encouragement in her eyes.

Audra, however, couldn't contain her curiosity.

"What happened, Heath? With your mother?"

Casting sidelong look at the young woman, Heath just smiled.

"Well, I ate that fine breakfast, and I sure did savor every bite of it. It was mighty good!"

Victoria beamed at Heath's obvious pleasure, enjoying his childlike excitement and happy that he had experienced at least a fraction of happiness during that difficult time.

"I tried to make it last as long as I could. It was so good. Mama was till asleep and when I finished eating I went in to sit with her. I was excited cuz I thought she looked better. She was still, like she was sleepin', and she wasn't mumblin' nonsense anymore. She was quiet. I asked Aunt Rachel if she was--better, I mean--and she didn't say anything. I remember her lips just got real tight and she looked at me just for a second, before looking over my head. Hannah was behind me and when I looked back at her I saw that she had the same tense look on her face. They sure didn't look happy. They looked upset and…sad. Like there was something eatin' at their souls, something they couldn't do nothing about…something they didn't want to tell me."

Pausing once again, Heath inhaled sharply, the memories of that agonizing morning real once again. As the others watched he seemed to draw himself inward, focusing on his recollections. It was difficult to watch. But then, surprisingly, he seemed to pull himself out of it fairly quickly. Looking up, he swept his gaze around the room, taking in the concerned faces of his audience…his family. Their evident worry and distress on his behalf touched him and seemed to give him the strength to continue. Taking a deep, albeit somewhat shaky, breath he continued once more.

"Well, they were looking like they had something to say, but it was something they didn't want to tell me. I didn't understand at first. I kept askin' them what was wrong. I remember askin' Aunt Rachel and then looking back at askin' Hannah the same questions. But they didn't answer, didn't say anything. They both just shook their heads and looked at me with an expression I'd seen before, from others. That scared me more than anything and al of a sudden I understood what was goin' on. They were looking at me with pity in their eyes and I knew. I just knew. Mama wasn't any better at all."

Looking around the room yet again, Heath shook his head softly, as if to punctuate his words.

"I had thought she was just sleeping, but when I really looked at her I realized it was more than that. Somethin' was wrong, really wrong. I didn't really understand what it was, I just knew somethin' wasn't right."

Lapsing into silence, Heath swept his over his audience, realizing the sudden stillness in the room. Victoria, Jarrod, Nick, and even Audra, sat in rapt silence, intent on his every word, waiting to see what he would say next. Once again he was warmed by their obvious concern…for him. He smiled an expression that intensified by Audra's next words.

"Oh Heath! What happened? Was she all right? What about the combs?"

Feeling inexplicably touched by her obvious worry over him…and his mother...Heath nodded slightly.

"She was really sick, sis. What I had thought was 'better' was really 'worse.' She wasn't just sleepin', she was beyond that. And when I walked over to her bed and put my hand on her arm I just knew. I knew that she might die right then, on Christmas Eve. That's what Aunt Rachel and Hannah didn't want to tell me. That's why they looked so sad and had that look of pity in their eyes…pity for me. That scared me more than anything, and I knew right then and there what I had to do. I had to get those combs!"


End file.
